I envy literally everyone who is talented at anything
when we were babies my dad was a stay-at-home dad while my mom kicked ass in the courtroom but he would carry my twin brother and me around with one baby on the front and one on his back in backpacks
and women would come up and look at how cute i was and coo over me and be like “awww how cute wow”
and my dad would be like, “YOU KNOW WHAT’S CUTER THAN ONE BABY”
and then he’d spin around
there was my brother
I love everything about this.
*eats 1,000 oranges* its fruit i won’t gain weight
An orange is approximately 87 calories. If you were to eat 1,000 oranges that would be 87,000 calories.
its fruit i wont gain weight
See how chill and non competitive your life gets when you don’t judge other girls in how they dress, do their make up, or how many selfies they take. Take a nap by a window, glow up
*12 year old voice* i know who you like
okay seriously if you’re in a relationship or even a friendship and you find yourself spending more time crying out of sadness or arguing with them, leave them. i don’t care if they’re a modern day aphrodite/adonis or a gift bestowed upon you by the gods. toxic people are dangerous and i highly advise cutting them out of your life and finding someone who makes you laugh until you snort your drink out your nose instead.
my chemistry teacher calls babies “fresh humans”
Can I have a relationship that works out like the ones in movies please